I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
