just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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