Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
