Barsexuality is the new black.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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