3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize