Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
