i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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