You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a hot homeless man
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
