problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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