You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
