Need sex. Gaining weight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
