Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
