BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
