She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
