erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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