she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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