I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize