Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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