3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
