dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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