she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
