What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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