Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
