Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
