the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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