now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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