apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
