I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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