i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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