I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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