Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
