My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
