ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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