is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
