At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we should paint friendship bongs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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