apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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