I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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