The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
