It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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