I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
