did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
