This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
