dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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