ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
