Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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