She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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