She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
