I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
