I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
