Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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