So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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