Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
