I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
