apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
