Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
