tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
