I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
