I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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