8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I could fuck to npr.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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