I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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