i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
