I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
