Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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