my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
