Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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