We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
