ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
