i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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