she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
