I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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