Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
